Oh, poor Walter. Pyotr forgets sometimes how little he tells even the people closest to him. He might have talked more to Walter about his past, in a normal way, not the weird Barge way, if circumstances were different. As is, he firmly believes there ought to be a good deal of distance between them so that focus can be kept on what's important, like the group or escaping the ship. It's true that the group isn't even really a group, not without a unified plan or program, and his thoughts on what they are likely to accomplish have evolved overtime. Yet it's never occurred to him to talk more personally, and now that Walter is fishing, he isn't sure what to say. But the first thing that comes to mind is:
"No, it was just me and Stavrogin. There were others, but they were not important. They were just..." Useless fools. "... material to be organized."
He doesn't want to talk about Stavrogin, certainly not in a 'meaningful conversation' way, but there is something he has been meaning to make clear about comrades and his past.
"We weren't 'gay,' you know." He is mentally prepared enough to avoid blushing, at least. "Stavrogin and I, I mean. I know you think that we were because of the dream, but it was nothing like that. We were close at one point, as friends and comrades, and there was affection between us, but it was the kind of affection that was normal between male friends of my time and culture. Nothing more. I am not—I'm not like most of the people here. You know that, right?"
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timeasmymeasure
cw implied homophobia
Date: 2025-02-07 12:46 am (UTC)"No, it was just me and Stavrogin. There were others, but they were not important. They were just..." Useless fools. "... material to be organized."
He doesn't want to talk about Stavrogin, certainly not in a 'meaningful conversation' way, but there is something he has been meaning to make clear about comrades and his past.
"We weren't 'gay,' you know." He is mentally prepared enough to avoid blushing, at least. "Stavrogin and I, I mean. I know you think that we were because of the dream, but it was nothing like that. We were close at one point, as friends and comrades, and there was affection between us, but it was the kind of affection that was normal between male friends of my time and culture. Nothing more. I am not—I'm not like most of the people here. You know that, right?"