forensicks | lastvoyages Inbox

"And just think, when I graduate in a Christmas miracle, you'll get to go to the backyard of my grandma's house! Experience the innocent joy of sledding in Oshkosh parkas made from plastic in the good old US of A. Once the esteemed admiral fixes that vital issue with cabins that appear to be outdoors, of course."

Walter is in the other side of the room at the table working on one of his jigsaw puzzles and, for a challenge, having resorted to using only half the pieces, which makes it look kinda skeletal. He checks his own phone to look at the ID. It's not one he's memorized, which itself narrows it down... "Is that Eric's maker?? Two thousand years wandering the earth and you never find a snowy abandoned city with electric lights, real shame."

"And when I graduate in a Christmas miracle, you'll get to see the dirty streets of Petersburg in winter. Alas, that cabins with outdoors entrance ways seem to be a thing of the past." And said with a little bit of real glee: "The poor Barge is getting shabbier and shabbier, it seems."

The worse, the better. The loss of outdoors areas might at least irritate some of the more spoiled wardens who are used to having access to entire garden areas.

"Oh, yes. Godric is his name," he explains. "Nice fellow. He was one of the first wardens I spoke to after the spring breach. By way of introduction, he told me that he killed people for a thousand years before he had some sort of moral epiphany and came here. The man knows how to make a first impression, I'll grant him that. It must be a trait that gets passed down through the vampire lines."

Or at least his, given Eric's own unforgettable introduction to the Barge.

Edited 2024-12-07 20:14 (UTC)

"I guess even the cups don't do anything about that," Walter says, surprised to realize it.

"Oh, right, he's a warden, he's Rosita's warden," Walter reminds himself, knocking it into his head a bit with his hand. "Eric said that a little while ago more vampires and humans started coexisting in peace, I guess it's not Godric's fault he became a vampire so long before then."

He sighs, turning over the chain of four puzzle pieces in his hands. Too aware of things, Jedao had called him. It's helped Walter stay tuned to the therapy speak, but sometimes it seems unfair that he already knew about trauma responses and all that wish-wash.

"Maybe one of these days we're gonna get a new friend from 2030 to tell us about how there's no more snow in America on account of global warming," he remarks chipper and empty. "Or some human inmate who Godric defended himself from. That would be the real bad guy not realizing he'd reformed." Sarcasm!!

"Personally, I'm still waiting for that special inmate who will use their hard-earned, well-deserved second chance to destroy literally every single universe. It's bound to happen sooner or later with the type of scum the Admiral scoops up."

He yawns and starts playing some of the comments. Godric saying that Malcolm's answer would be a popular one makes him laugh.

"Ugh......... I'm seriously gonna be filling out his side of the aisle..." He's not sure he should even mention it around Pyotr. What if doing anything he says means poisoning the cake? There is a part of him that cares for Malcolm despite everything, it's kinda large. Walter thinks of something else with how important relationships are on the barge, and the information they can convey--

"I do have a camera. Do you want me to put you up on that stupid board? Promote inter-ship mingling."

The comment does earn a dark look, possessive and hateful. It's not lost on him that Walter hasn't complained about Malcolm or mentioned any blunders from his 'permanent warden' since they got back from the Narrenschiff. Between the Justine incident, and whatever else transpired between the 'pair' during those few moments when they were alone together, seems to have drawn them closer.

Walter may be close to graduating, which is a thought that gnaws at him. However, before he can say anything, Walter says that. He's aware it's only meant to distract him, to change the subject.

Still, the twitch of horror on his face is real, though he quickly covers it with bland annoyance.

"I can't believe I've been here long enough to see three rounds of this stupid game." He laughs a little. "Hey, if you leave a handwritten note, you putting my picture up might encourage Malcolm's little delusion about the nature our relationship. That might be prudent. Nine months without sleeping with any of these dreadful people, most of whom I think happen to be hideous, is probably as alarming as not having a permanent warden."

Walter gives a huff, rolling his eyes. "I'm really surprised he hasn't gotten the memo by now, but he kinda makes an art form out of that. Has a little pile of missed memos. Probably makes them into origami." He waves his hand to indicate Pyotr's appearance. "Blondes? Sure! Students who probably still need roommates, not so much." Blonde Russians, it's really funny, he's sure Malcolm will never let him hear the end of it if anything comes to pass. Not a bad drink, if he has to have one to fit in, so absurdly sweet that he can chug it down and get the Russian blackout experience after the fact.

"Don't know why they need another handwriting psyop," he says a moment later as it occurs to him, "there's already enough of those."

Edited 2025-01-16 21:18 (UTC)

He stares for a moment, a look of surprise that's quickly blinked away to something harsher. "That's fine," he says thinly. "Bourgeois 21st century oblomovs who've spent the past decade on a sofa aren't exactly my type either."

And he turns up his nose, pointedly returning to the network, letting fragments of asinine conversations fill the silence.

"I know," Walter says, and he probably looks rather foolish in that moment, both because he had to ponder whether oblomov is some variation on blob like a couch potato or something (he's suddenly despondent he can't remember that petty liberal Type Of Guy. He thinks it starts with a G), and because it's only several seconds after that, that it really sinks in Pyotr was trying to hurt him in turn. He's not entirely lost his softness. Quite literally, Walter could afford to not care what people think.

"I'm sorry. That's what I meant! That you should be out there, with your comrades, who get it, and are scouring the lands, for... not tied down by, you know... deeds..."

There's a lot he could say - about Pyotr getting to decide what he does, how that's more natural than living as a rich man's pet, about Malcolm convinced Walter has regrets - that he turns away from all at once with a wistful glance to the window. They are tied down. "But I guess should doesn't mean anything."

And he bends back down to his puzzle.

"Oh, yes, I don't have to worry about owning any land." Stepan Trofimovich, the pet of a rich woman, saw to that.

"I was a fugitive, Walter. I lived in a different hotel room every night. Sometimes I stayed with a comrade, but that was rare since most of them wanted more money than a room would have cost. Before all that, I lived alone. I've not lived with other people since boarding school."

It doesn't matter and isn't really the point, but he feels the need to clarify.

"And the shitty little room I have here was actually connected to another one, but of course 'inmates can only have one.'"

"Oh... right..." Walter gives a distant nod, realizing he's definitely been told this in some form. Though he didn't want to cause upset, he's glad that Pyotr at least can say things about his past that seem to be real, like that talk he had with Lucy on the network once... He blinks again, trying to remember if he's ever heard of any particular revolutionary comrade besides, well, that guy. If Stavrogin even in Pyotr's wildest dreams hadn't wanted to be there, then someone else must have been writing the papers that Pyotr was helping distribute, right? Not to take that story entirely at face value, but. It was quite common on the barge for there to be a dramatic few weeks or days leading up to one's death and abduction, a real Shakespearean final act. That impression was reinforced by the "special person" raving about his depravity, but Walter can't quickly glean names from his memory, further limited by his own status during the flood. Maybe Pyotr's collaborators really were that detached...

"I guess I just thought there were more of you. Or at least that there used to be. And—there should be," he concludes earnestly. "Who can keep up with you."

Oh, poor Walter. Pyotr forgets sometimes how little he tells even the people closest to him. He might have talked more to Walter about his past, in a normal way, not the weird Barge way, if circumstances were different. As is, he firmly believes there ought to be a good deal of distance between them so that focus can be kept on what's important, like the group or escaping the ship. It's true that the group isn't even really a group, not without a unified plan or program, and his thoughts on what they are likely to accomplish have evolved overtime. Yet it's never occurred to him to talk more personally, and now that Walter is fishing, he isn't sure what to say. But the first thing that comes to mind is:

"No, it was just me and Stavrogin. There were others, but they were not important. They were just..." Useless fools. "... material to be organized."

He doesn't want to talk about Stavrogin, certainly not in a 'meaningful conversation' way, but there is something he has been meaning to make clear about comrades and his past.

"We weren't 'gay,' you know." He is mentally prepared enough to avoid blushing, at least. "Stavrogin and I, I mean. I know you think that we were because of the dream, but it was nothing like that. We were close at one point, as friends and comrades, and there was affection between us, but it was the kind of affection that was normal between male friends of my time and culture. Nothing more. I am not—I'm not like most of the people here. You know that, right?"

"Oh, I didn't mean to say that," Walter rushes to smooth over, that he didn't immediately say who was that guy in the dream, your boyfriend? It's still obvious enough when he has implicitly compared Pyotr's love for Stavrogin to his own love for Misty... Meaning Walter can't hold it against Pyotr that he would use anyone but Stavrogin. "Though it was kind of odd the way that other woman was portrayed in the dream, I'll admit." The contrast between Pyotr's two companions was the main thing that made Walter start looking through the lens that his friend might be gay, truly in that If You Were Gay way. "But I see what you mean." He would be rude to insist otherwise considering how they got onto this topic - rather than the weird assumption that Walter and Pyotr were a couple, Pyotr should be with his "roommates"... but not a pressure to actually be gay with his roommate(s). The truth is that "affection" sounds like more action than what Walter saw in the dream, but that's not... his business.

Walter frowns again. It's actually revealing that Pyotr even admits they were close at one point, intriguing enough that he decides to go pretty far validating. "Of course it's different. You're not wishing he was here to try all out all the stuff that's magic or from the future or anything, I take it." That's eerie even in the straight relationships with people who knew each other before, Walter thinks, wardens idly wondering when they'll meet again.

"No, I don't want him here."

Pyotr has, during states of distress and heightened emotion, concocted a lot of nebulous, bizarre fantasies about how the Barge relates to the main story of his life, which is of course the story of Stavrogin. Everything is always about Stavrogin, and he is very aware of that. But never in those fantasies does Stavrogin end up a fellow inmate on the Barge, nor would he have any interest in a deal or keeping up the farce of being a warden. And after the way his image was desecrated during the hell flood? There are still times when Pyotr spitefully wants Stavrogin to suffer, but in his heart, he would never wish for the insults this place heaps upon its residents to touch the real Stavrogin. Such a thing is almost unthinkable.

It is to Pyotr these things happen to, not Stavrogin. He wouldn't say it's the way things should be, but it is the way they are.

"I can tell you're only placating me, though. That 'of course' was too much, particularly after that song with the puppets. Also, as someone who, prior to this boat, never had the opportunity to become numb to repetitive horror and demonic torture, I still have enough sense not to wish this place upon anyone, let alone someone I'm supposed to care about."

Maybe he would wish it upon Shatov. Why couldn't this be happening to Shatov instead of him? Maybe he's on some other ship, like the one with the Nurse.

Walter lets out a nervous chuckle. "I don't know what exactly I'm supposed to say, man; you're clearly aware that certain things might sound pretty gay to me... though that's your business... but I'm trying to understand." He's turned in his chair attentively by now, no stray attention on the jigsaw puzzle. "So it's like how you care about him is different from the other relationships around here."

As opposed to, say, the extent of physical affection... There are some options of saying "we weren't gay" that Pyotr is very much not taking... oh goodness...

"Or is it really something else? Afterwards if things were a lot more peaceful, you might want some marriage that wasn't with him or anything?" Walter is trying so hard!! He is trying to speak the language and refer to traditional marriage rather than just box Pyotr into the idea of straight instead!!

"'I understand' would have sufficed." He draws a hand to his forehead, cringing. "Why do you keep telling me that it's 'my business' like I'm divulging something sordid?" His face feels hot, not out of shame over anything to do with Stavrogin, but because he is realizing now that he was right. Walter really does think he is some kind of disgusting pervert, like all these Barge people.

How dare he! His jaw clenches, and he shoots him an angry look.

"I see now this conversation was needed indeed, embarrassing as it is for the both of us. But no, Walter. Stavrogin isn't and never will be my husband. He's not my 'boyfriend.' We aren't and never were 'dating.'" He laughs cynically. "He was my friend. My comrade. An aristocrat with connections, who helped me get back into Russia so that we could start a revolution together. Lizaveta was his fiancee, and if things were different, yes, I too would like to marry a girl and live a normal life, believe it or not. I just never met the right one. I don't know many girls, and I'm not exactly popular with the ladies. Being a bloody pauper because my idiot of a father spent the inheritance left to me by my mother doesn't help."

He isn't ashamed of his relationship with Stavrogin, but Walter need not worry that he would share 'his business.' These things aren't talked about where he's from, at all, and this conversation has cemented that they shouldn't be.

"I admit, I hoped that Lucy might... but no." He sighs. "I've irritated her, and I suspect that freckled green girl is more her type anyway."

There's plenty of clearance in this thin dining room chair; Walter's legs swing awkwardly as he almost literally kicks himself. No!!!!! He was trying to sound convincing that it was totally different from a marriage! Ack...

"It just was starting to sound like you thought there was something to misunderstand." He puts up his hand. "But I get it now. No more misunderstanding." He's serious. Even if intimacy is less totally unspeakable when he was growing up, Walter is used to the idea that someone should be the last word on what's said about their relationships, at least.

He puts his hand down, slumping. "Maybe that's for the best that you two didn't go anywhere, the. Greenie creeps me the heck out."

"Nothing to misunderstand," he confirms with a nod.

It's the most natural lie to tell, even if he has mixed feelings about having to tell it. But it really is for the best, he reminds himself.

They can shift to the much easier conversation now of insulting Tendi. "Yes, I'm afraid I don't quite understand Miss Maclean's taste in women either. I wouldn't want to end up the third person of that ménage à trois. No, no thank you... Goodness, now I know a little about how you must have felt. Sorry, I didn't mean to speak so flippantly about sensitive matters..." And tilting his head, he looks at Walter with the most gentle, sensitive look he can manage:

"How are things going with Ms. Quigley, by the way...?"

He knows a barb when he feels one but he deserves it so okay then!!! "O-oh... Cheese and crackers, I never quite pictured that..." Walter looks up at the blank ceiling to clear his mind of images. Although in reality Misty had been "hooking up" with Sweeney and Natalie simultaneously and then become serious and exclusive with the latter, Walter has been able to think that it was some light serial monogamy. After all, that's what was presented to him, when Misty solemnly said that they couldn't be together not because of that but because she was taken.

"Well, we still hang out a lot, which is good. Better than I deserve in most moral frameworks, really." That's what Malcolm would call glib. "But even if she accepted things... Like the thing..." You know. The pie. (He usually says "let me in" but he is not providing any innuendo ammo right now!!) "I'm not sure it was ever an option for us to be together properly. Maybe in a crash scenario, the extenuating circumstances would arise, but." But for now, she's a warden who can come and go freely. She could be with Natalie, or anyone she wants. He purses his lips, shifting gears, voice a bit higher. "You know, there were cops everywhere when the stroke took me out. Considering that I had just killed one of them. I've wondered if... It would be for the best that they keep thinking that they saw me die for good."

Even the "real" Misty he remembers. If she actually went looking for him after that... That would be the dream.

lastvoyages Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw implied homophobia

cw implied homophobia

Re: cw implied homophobia

cw implied homophobia

Re: cw implied homophobia

cw implied homophobia

Re: cw implied homophobia

no subject